


Kitty's Poems of Blep

by KittyClearsight



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 22:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyClearsight/pseuds/KittyClearsight
Summary: These are all fun little poems I've done that doesn't quite fit "Straight From The Heart". Most are silly, some are about a specific person, others are venting and the rest are just kinda there lol
Kudos: 1





	1. Fake Smile (AKA Retail Sucks)

**Author's Note:**

> Starting off this collection is a poem I wrote at work one day while on break. My soul died on the inside each time a customer told me "Oh it didn't scan, that means it's free!"

My chest is tight, head is reeling.  
Heart is racing like a champ.  
I want to die, this is too much.  
Eight hours?  
How about none.  
I hate my life, I want to die.  
I wish I didn't need it,  
But I have to, if I wanna survive.  
I will accomplish this  
With a smile on my face,  
Even if it is a fake smile.


	2. Liquid Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure where this came from, I was eating honey like every day for some reason and I was inspired to write this. I dunno lol

Taste that sweet, sweet gold.  
Pour it in tea, spread it on toast.  
That liquid gold has no boundaries.  
It soothes my throat, warms my heart,  
Tickles my tastebuds,  
A smile adorns my lips.  
This liquid gold can be found anywhere,  
From the supermarket to the dollar store.  
The effect it has on me is wonderful.  
It is even something I call my love.  
When he comes home I smile,  
Embrace him,  
And breath out silently,  
"Honey, I love you."


	3. My Puppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for a good friend of mine while we briefly dated. Might not of worked out romantically, but he's still a great friend.

You are sweet, cuddly, and kind.  
You are sort of like a puppy.  
You snuggle me when I'm sad,  
You kiss me and fill me with love.  
However, you are also like a guard dog.  
You protect me, and you care for me.  
You keep me from getting harmed.  
I love you so much more than you know,  
And I know we'll be together  
For a very long time,  
Because you are my puppy,  
And I refuse to give you up.


	4. You Were There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When my friend and I eventually broke up I wrote this as a sort of "Goodbye but not really lol"

You were there to erase my tears.  
You were there to comfort me in my time of need.  
You were there for me when I needed someone the most.  
You were there when I was in my darkest moments.  
I may regret my decision, in fact I think I already do.  
But this time a part will do us well,  
Even if it does hurt, I can tell.  
The pain will subside, you will move on,  
And I, too, will find peace once more.  
You were there, but I guess I never appreciated it  
Like I thought I did at the time of it.  
It doesn't have to be goodbye, it could be  
"I'll see you later"  
When we've both matured and gone through life  
And understood what it means to truly be in love.


	5. Loving Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look another mushy poem I wrote for my friend also ex. Yep

Dry the tears from my beaten face,  
Save me, show me your loving grace.  
Within my heart, you are encased,  
And never, I hope, you'll be erased.  
With you, my heart pounds like a relay race,  
And nobody else is like you in the human race.  
I wish I found you in the first place,  
But now you will forever be in my heart, a trace.  
I had lost my way, no more my grace,  
Till you showed me your loving face.


	6. Oizys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the thing with big black dogs representing depression. Oizys is the greek goddess of misery and suffering

I have a dog named Oizys. She is a very bad dog. She is big and black, with dark red eyes, and sharp teeth within her gaping maw.  
She is angry, aggressive... and she always bites me when I try pacifying her. My wrists are her favorite places to bite, but my thighs are a close second.   
Oizys is a terrible dog. She hates me, she wants me dead. She's almost killed me several times.   
I try to get rid of her, but she keeps coming back to hurt me. I've tried taking her to trainers, and it's helped for a time but then she turned on me again.   
I hate that dog, but I can't get rid of the dark creature determined to kill me.   
I've started wondering if it's worth fighting anymore. I'm tired of the biting, I'm sick of accidentally triggering her rage, and I'm scared that one day she'll kill me.

I have decided to no longer restrain the beast. She is stronger than I'll ever be. It's about time I stop trying, and allow the inevitable to happen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sunday, November 22nd 2015 my house caught fire. My family and I were asleep at the time, I woke up around 4 AM from the smoke burning my throat. I woke my parents up and we had to go out through their bedroom window, the way to the front door was too hot and smokey. The dogs ran out of the bedroom and we couldn't wait for the to come back and they both died. Two birds and a lizard also died. The cats got out, I threw one out the window because I found him in the hall before waking up my parents and the other followed us out on her own. Everything was burned, but one thing of mine that was recovered was a golden angel charm from a necklace. It was given to me by my aunt after a traumatizing event when I was 7 and the fact it was recovered meant a lot to me.
> 
> "Hold it, and you will always know your aunties love you." is something she said to me when she gave it to me.

The heat, the smoke,  
It keeps flooding over me.  
The oxygen, my vision,  
It's rapidly disappearing.   
My throat is burning,  
I can no longer breathe,   
The panic sets in, I'm going to die.  
My lungs are screaming,  
My head is reeling.  
The smoke fills all my senses.  
The flames lick up the walls of my home  
And my whole life is soon  
Nothing more but ashes.  
My childhood, my collections,  
The lizard, the birds, the dogs.  
They are all gone.  
All I have are the clothes on my back,  
The cats, and one small piece of hope.  
An angel charm, solid gold,  
A keepsake from my aunt.  
"Hold it, and you will always know your aunties love you."  
Touching the charm, I can feel their love  
Washing over me like a wave.  
Yes, they are always loving me,  
And I will hold onto this charm forever.


	8. The Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Present your crush this poem  
2\. Present a key of some sort  
3\. ???  
4\. Profit

Keys have a special power  
Of opening doors,  
And locking them tight.  
They are so little, but do so much.  
Without them, we wouldn't be able  
To close the doors we open,  
Nor open the doors we close.  
That is a lot like relationships.  
We open doors to other people,  
And let them inside our hearts.  
As well, we close the doors  
To those that hurt us.  
When I'm with you, I feel like  
I can keep my door wide open,  
And never have to lock it.  
That is why I'm giving you this,  
The Key to my Heart,  
So you may come inside whenever you please.  
Though I feel as though you're already there.


	9. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romance, yep

I was afraid to love  
When you came in.  
I was afraid you would  
Cause me pain, like everyone else.  
Now I think it's worth it.  
We break each others hearts,  
But we also mend each other  
By picking up the pieces.  
They said it was a puppy crush,  
An infatuation.  
I was afraid to trust my heart.  
But now I know it's real.  
It's love.  
We argue, we fight,  
We get frustrated, we have our  
Misunderstandings, but we shall,  
Of course, always get through it.  
We stand, hand in hand,  
And we face this world of cruelty,  
Together.


	10. My Sweet Treasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toxic relationship predrama. Also take a shot each time I post a romance poem.

I love you so much,  
And never want to let go.  
I love you more than life,  
But I'm afraid that's not enough.  
I want you, only you, as my partner.  
I imagine us at the alter,  
Walking the aisle,  
Vowing our vows,  
And sealing it with a kiss.  
But I' afraid I'm not goo enough  
For you, my love, my sweet Treasure.  
I imagine the pitter patter  
Of little feet in the living room.  
Of you coming home from work,  
And kissing my on the forehead,  
And wrapping your arms around  
My waist, while I cook dinner.  
I imagine our little ones coming,  
Reaching up,  
Saying "Mommy"and "Daddy".  
But I'm afraid I'm not good enough  
For you, my love, my sweet Treasure.  
I imagine us sending our children  
Off to college, we would have  
A bunch of wrinkles now.  
Our sons would tower over us,  
And our daughters would be  
The most beautiful of all.  
We'd be sad, yet happy.  
We'd say "Well done."  
And give them great big hugs,  
But I'm afraid I'm not good enough  
For you, my love, my sweet Treasure.  
I imagine us, wrinkle faced  
And walking with canes.  
Us sitting on the front porch,  
Telling tales of the past.  
I see us watching grandchildren,  
Our grandchildren,  
Playing in the yard.  
I see us holding hands,  
And never letting go.  
But I'm afraid I'm not good enough  
For you, my love, my sweet Treasure.


	11. Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of many poems I wrote when I was in an abusive relationship. At the time I didn't realize how much he was destroying me, and I consistently kept blaming myself when things went wrong, and he just encouraged it. Subtle things like "I love you anyways" or "I don't care when you screw up".

I wish I could tell you  
How much I am hurting.  
It's not a scrape or a bruise,  
Nor a headache or stubbed toe.  
I feel so alone in my life,  
Even though you fill a void  
Inside my busted heart.  
I am screwed up  
Like you wouldn't believe.  
If you could see my mind,  
You'd run away,  
Leaving me in the dirt.  
We are just bones in the end,  
So why not take my life?  
I will never hurt you though,  
Especially in that way.  
I love you too much to do that.  
You are my bolt of lightning,  
You are my shimmering moon.  
You are my love, my sweet heart.  
If I lost you, I'd be lost forever.  
But I still can't tell you,  
Not of how much I'm hurting.  
I wish to be at ease.  
My mind, my soul, my heart.  
But I'm afraid I can't,  
And I possibly never will.


	12. I'm Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More self blaming for things I wasn't at fault for.

Do you ever regret everything  
That you ever did to someone you love?  
Regret all the pain and heartbreak  
You bestowed on them?  
I miss the magic we had, before  
I grew needy and unbearable.  
I want the old magic back,  
I want to see us happy.  
I'm afraid we'll never  
Get to see that though,  
I'm Sorry.


	13. Don't Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah here's another one

We were once so close,  
But now you have left me.  
But I will find you once again  
In this brand new day.  
We will be reunited  
In this darkened world.  
We will beat the odds,  
We will win.  
We laughed as we rested  
When we caressed each other.  
When we laid upon the grass  
In the morning sun.  
I promised you I would find you once again,  
When my heart returns to white.  
I will save you from the darkness  
Of the raven black midnight.  
Don't say goodbye.


	14. Shining Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read from the top down, but if you read from the top up you get another poem.

You are my shining star,  
You glow brighter than the sun.  
We slay the darkness, side by side,  
You are my greatest muse.  
When my tears flow down my face,  
You are there to dry them up.  
When the wetness is there,  
You glow brighter than the sun,  
You are my shining star.


	15. Shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More romance woo

Together we slay the night,  
Together we pierce the darkness,  
With our own shining sun.  
You can have the world,  
It's all for you if you would like.  
If I could reach the galaxies,  
I'd grab the brightest shining star.  
We are the story of one.  
I will be here  
Every moment you're gone.  
Like the brightest shining star I grab,  
I will shine for you,  
And you alone.


	16. Something Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story behind this one is... complicated. The Toxic Ex ended up getting me pregnant. When I told him, pregnancy tests and everything, he decided to ghost me. I didn't really care, I was already in the process of cutting him out of my life completely and he sped up the process by ghosting. I decided to put my baby up for adoption, because clearly I was in no position to raise a child and I just couldn't go through with an abortion. I needed his consent though which was kinda hard cause, again, ghosting. An adoption advocate was trying to get a hold of him too but again, he ignored them. Then one day he just decided he wanted to parent, which was literally out of nowhere. I have my suspicions that his step mother was encouraging this but that's beside the point. I knew that he was not fit to parent either, he was an alcoholic and on drugs, and I really didn't want my baby in that environment like I was. Thankfully the advocate was able to convince him that adoption was not a bad thing at all, she told him about the family I was gonna chose and he ended up changing his mind and signing the papers after all. I'm grateful that he eventually realized that adoption was what was best for our daughter, but the time it took to get there was painful.

So you want to be something special?  
Well, tell me how you're going to achieve that?  
Do you have time? Money?  
Do you have patience? Love?  
Without all this, you will fail.  
And it's the little one that suffers most.  
Happiness could be achieved,  
But only if you stop being selfish.  
So if you want them to be happy,  
Why are you putting you first?


	17. Mother's Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this after giving birth to my daughter, the day I was sent home from the hospital was also the day I gave her to her parents. She's two years old now, her parents are lovely and she is so happy and healthy, and loved.

You're just a tiny thing,  
Little as a ladybug.  
You're just a noisy thing,  
Squeaky as a mouse.  
You're just a fragile thing,  
Soft as a peach,  
But you are a wonderful thing,  
Full of love, beauty, and innocence.  
I am unable to care for you,  
So I present you to them.  
I know this is right,  
But that doesn't mean it's painless.  
I hope one day you'll realize  
The love I have for you.  
I may have given you life,  
But I also gave you my heart.


	18. A Mother's Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A poem for any mother to her babies. I would not only die for my child, I would kill for her.

A mother's love is infinite,  
A mother's love is forever.  
I will love them forever and ever,  
To the grave the love I'll take.  
When I look at their tiny face  
My heart will feel tender.  
I will love and protect them always,  
The little ones I love.  
I hope they will know  
The love I have for them.  
Even when I'm dead and gone,  
I will love them forever more.


	19. The Black Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narrative Poem

The smell is strong, it reeks of death. The smoke is getting me, my senses are dimming.  
The shrill wails that come from this burning carnage makes me disoriented.  
I remember my mother's words when I was young. Of the destruction that would one day come, and wipe out life as we know it.  
There would be hope, however. The Purest would come, and save the people who managed to make it through the destruction.   
I stumble into a tree, it's branches burning and embers drifting from the sky around me.  
I give up my fight, there is no point in delaying the inevitable. I was not to be saved.  
My eyes start to close, but then something lands on my chest. I open an eye to see a creature.  
It has black fur, or at least, it appears to. It's eyes are wide and blue. I soon realize it's a cat. A cat who I believed to be dead for years.  
It's tail strokes my cheek, and hops off my chest. A sudden strength rejuvenates me, and I crawl after the cat.  
Shadow leads me through the burning wreckage, I cough as the smoke floods my lungs, but this sign of hope keeps me going.  
Soon the smoke dissipates and I make it to a large, grassy field. Confusion swamps me as I realize I am not outside town. A white fog surrounds me. A wave of panic floods me, realizing I was not saved after all.  
I feel Shadow jump on my shoulder, his blue eyes glowing as he stares into mine. All at once I feel a sense of peace, and tranquility.

Everything will be alright after all.


	20. Goodbye (Ex Lover)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toxicity woo

The tears felt like acid,  
Burning holes through my skin.  
I held him tightly, hand in hand,  
But he was my destructive flame.  
I felt like I wasn't good enough,  
But now I am wiser, less naive.  
My pain went on through blind eyes.  
He never wanted to help me,  
Only destroy me.  
He has failed, and I'm stronger  
Than ever before.  
You were poison to my heart,  
But I have cut you out,  
Now all I can can say is  
Goodbye.


	21. No Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Molested at aged 7 by a neighbor, and pressured into sex at age 19 by someone I loved. He did admit that I was just something fun to do when things were going to hell.

He said she was beautiful.  
She was only a girl aged seven,  
So she took it as a compliment,  
As most little girls would.  
"I'm an adult, trust me." He said.  
She did, as she didn't yet learn  
Of the harmful things he would do.  
He destroyed her innocence,  
He took her down that path of pain,  
And she never received justice  
For the evil things he did.  
She was now a young woman of twenty,  
He said "I love you."  
She loved him with all she had.  
"If you really loved me, you'd do it." He said.  
She didn't want to, despite her love.  
"If you don't, I'm gone." He threatened.  
She gave in, coerced, feeling violated.  
She blamed herself for giving in.  
"I am pathetic, weak, worthless." She thought.  
He betrayed her, dumped her, broke her.  
"I was only using you." He taunted.  
Assaulted twice,  
Destroyed countless times.  
She will never receive justice,  
For the pain she went through.


	22. The Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Romaceeeeeeeee

Behind this door is an aching heart  
Of a girl desperate to feel the sun again.  
She craves the warmth of something real  
And not of something cold and dark.  
She shuts people out and may push you away,  
But she only desires the love and care  
That was once being flaunted to her,  
But was never actually given.  
She's sick of being used,  
Shes tired of being broken,  
But once she see's the light of you  
The door will open once more.


	23. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have a good judge of character, clearly.

She's been hurt more than one could count.  
She's had her heart broken,  
Her soul crushed,  
Her hope destroyed,  
Her will severed.  
She feels as though nobody is worth trusting.  
Men have abused her,  
And women have mocked her.  
Friends betrayed her, while others  
Have simply pretended to care.  
Those everyone said she could trust  
Also turned out to be wolves feasting  
On her vulnerability and trust.  
She wants to find someone to trust,  
Someone who won't tear her a part.  
She wants to rebuild her faith in people,  
And learn to trust once more.


	24. Three Small Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was joking with my friend through text one night like a year or so ago about how she and a guy she was talking to weren't official yet, and I said he'll ask her "when the time is right, when the moon is in the sky and the frost resistant fireflies come out." (Because it was freezing so the fireflies had to be frost resistant)  
Then I got inspiration for this. It got dark. That's the norm around here.

When the time is right,  
When the moon is in the sky  
And the fireflies come out,  
He will take you by the hands,  
He will look into your eyes  
And utter three small words,  
"I love you."  
You, with tears running down your cheek,  
Will wrap your arms around him,  
Laying your cheek against  
His warm chest, listening to  
The beating of his heart.  
When you feel doubtful,  
When you feel as though  
Hope is lost, nothing is worth it,  
He will pull you into an embrace,  
He will stroke your hair and rub your back.  
He will utter three small words,  
"Believe in yourself."  
You will feel safe in his strong arms,  
And you will know that no matter what,  
He will be by your side.  
One day you will argue,  
You will fight and fight and fight.  
You will want to just walk out some days,  
But in those moments, he will look at you.  
He will stare deeply into your eyes,  
Yours which are glaring daggers.  
He will say three small words,  
"Just kiss me."  
He'll lean in, you fighting only slightly  
Before you succumb to his passion.  
No argument is worth the pain,  
And you will remember,  
No matter how bad things get,  
You will over come it.  
You will be walking side by side,  
Hand in hand,  
Stride by stride.  
He will take you on a date,  
A simple walk in the park.  
No fancy dinner,  
No romantic movie,  
No cheesy meadow.  
Just a simple park.  
He will sit on a bench with you,  
Watching the birds chirp,  
The children play,  
The bunnies hopping around.  
He will stand up, and then go down.  
He will go down on one knee,  
And open a small box containing  
A glittering diamond.  
He utters three small words,  
"I need you."  
He needs to say no more,  
You jump on him, kissing him passionately.  
You will walk past a metal gate,  
Gaze around you at the beauty,  
The flowers in full bloom,  
Birds chirping in the trees.  
You will walk around, just taking in  
The beautiful sight before you.  
You will come to a simple stone,  
A grave marker.  
You kneel down, gracing your fingers across a word,  
The name of your lover.  
A small tear rolls down your cheek.  
You utter three small words,  
"I miss you..."  
You leave a small rose,  
Red, and pure.  
You walk out of the cemetery.  
You walk down the block, stopping at  
A large pile of ash, soot, and debris.  
You fall to your knees and cry.  
You remember how he got out,  
How you were trapped by a wooden board,  
And you knew you were going to die.  
You remember how he rushed back in,  
Pulling you free and pushing you to safety.  
You remember how he got crushed by  
The failing structure just a moment after you got out.  
You remember how he gave his life for you.  
You continue sobbing at these memories.  
Suddenly the wind blows,  
And although you aren't sure,  
You believe you heard three small words,  
"I love you."


	25. Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I love my room

Warmth, happiness, and comfort.  
Those are the words I use to describe  
My most favored place in the world.  
My safe haven, my peaceful getaway,  
My room.  
Snuggled in my blankets,  
Cat cuddled against me, purring.  
Lost in my own daydreams,  
Napping to get away from reality.  
Writing, drawing, playing games.  
My room is my safe haven,  
And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


	26. Unloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, I wrote this when I was feeling suicidal one night.

The feeling of being unloved  
Is the worst feeling ever.  
No friends, no family.  
Nothing except your own self loathing.  
When you feel you're worthless,  
When you feel unloved,  
There's rarely a time you feel good.  
You want to hurt yourself,  
You want to die.  
You want to find the closest sharp object  
And just stab one, two, three,  
In the chest, and let the pain flow  
From your mangled mind.  
This is what happens when you're alone,  
When you're not cared for,  
When you're unloved,  
And it's all your fault.


	27. Pollyanna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merp

I've been in pain for a long time,  
Longer than I can remember.  
It's been so long that I feel I need a change.  
I want happiness, I want sunshine in my life.  
I want to be optimistic,  
Recall my childhood innocence.  
I want to find the light in the dark.  
What I want the most of all  
Is to reveal my inner Pollyanna.


	28. Blessing in Disguise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I feel no positive feelings toward my toxic ex, I also feel no negative ones either. I genuinely wish him well, and hope he gets the help he needs. It was a long and hard road for me, and I still have a long ways to go, but at the end of the day only you can make the change for yourself.

You put me through Hell, you almost broke me,  
But I put you through Hell too, I almost broke you.  
We went through Hell and back, nothing was salvageable,  
However, there was one blessing to be said for it all.  
The pain was worth it all to see her beautiful face.  
When all is said and done, we did well,  
And now all I can say is that I wish you farewell,  
And now that I wish for you to find peace, and happiness.  
No more bitterness, no more hate,  
Because I believe that all the pain  
Was a blessing in disguise.


	29. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another vent poem

If I were to disappear tomorrow,  
Would you still remember my name?  
If I were to leave, and never come back,  
Would you still remember who I was?  
Would you remember who I was  
Before my spirit was broken,  
Before my heart was torn,  
Before my soul was tainted?  
Would you remember who I was  
Before I lost my own sanity?  
If I were to disappear,  
Nobody would remember me.  
The person I always show off,  
Has never truly been me.


	30. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Romance eeeeyyyyyy

I have known love once.  
It was passionate, and it was wild,  
As young love often is.  
Feeling his soft lips on mine,  
His hands caressing my back as I tangle my hands in his hair.  
His eyes, love striking as fierce as a storm cloud.  
I feel as though lightning strikes me as I gaze into his eyes,  
Looking into his soul.  
His hair is a wild mess, prime for my hands to run through.  
As quick as it started, however,  
It quickly stopped.  
He stops the caressing, he stops looking at me  
With love filled eyes.  
He starts looking at me in disdain,  
He starts handling me like a dog.  
I grew weary of his treatment,  
I longed for his gentle touch again,  
But that was gone and soon,  
I was gone too.  
One day I hope to feel that love again,  
Find one who will fill me with that passion  
That I find myself craving once more.  
I long for the feeling of lightning in my heart,  
I long for the feeling of his hair in my hands.  
I long for his hold as I lay in his arms,  
I long for love that will never go away.


	31. Deaf Ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venting

Is life worth living?  
That is what I ask myself.  
Is it worth the stress?  
Is it worth the pain?  
Is it worth the trouble of trying to survive?  
I am running on empty,  
Living a broken life.  
I do not know how much more I can take.  
I cry out for help yet nobody listens.  
I beg for mercy, but nobody cares.  
I've lived long enough in this hell of mine,  
Listening to my own cries of anguish.  
I just want the pain to stop,  
I want the fear to end.  
I want the peace and serenity  
Of eternal darkness.  
I want the bliss and calm of the afterlife.  
I cry out for help, but nobody cares.  
I cry out for help, but it falls on deaf ears.


	32. Comfort Drinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a silly little thing I came up with on the fly. Oh, hey, that rhymes too ^_^

Alcohol when I'm anxious,  
Coffee when I'm depressed.  
When both are on high,  
I'm just gonna die.


	33. You Made Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship. We usually get along well but sometimes she'll become the spawn of satan and just completely tear me a part. I honestly have no idea where I stand with her some of the time.

You said that you cared,  
That you were like this for me.  
You claimed to love me,  
Even though I was troubled.  
You claimed I was a problem child,  
That everything was my fault.  
You said that we would fix this,  
And I believed your lies.  
I didn't see how toxic you were,  
And I believed myself to be in the wrong.  
You are just as bad,  
No, actually you are worse.  
You destroyed my self worth,  
You made me think myself a monster.  
You never acknowledge it takes two.  
Well, that is all about to change now.  
I will end your cruel reign.  
Don't plead now, dear mother,  
You made me what I am.


	34. Toxicity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Saga of Fuckboy McGee is over. Hopefully. This was written after a drunk message from him. He's contacted me a few times since then and I've blocked each of his attempts. Officially all of his social medias are blocked. Unless he makes fake ones. Idk what I'll do then

I am a survivor of your toxicity,  
Of your scathing words,  
Of your peer pressure,  
Of your constant belittlement.  
I'm smarter than I once was  
And I'm more at peace than ever before.  
You nearly broke me,  
Nearly ripped me from my family,  
Nearly killed me.  
The only good to come was the lesson I learned.  
I will never be broken by you, or anyone else.  
I am moving forward while you're stuck in the past,  
And you will never tear me down again.  
I am away from your toxicity,  
And I will be forevermore.


	35. Furry Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cat, Bella, is my emotional support animal. I love her <3

Soft  
Gentle  
Sweet  
Purring  
You are the light at the end of the tunnel.  
Your gentle head bumps  
Make my heart soar.  
Your soft nuzzles lifts my spirits.  
Your sweet licking shows your love  
Of the sad human you've come to know.  
When you purr I know that I'll be okay,  
Because even when I feel most alone,  
You are there to make my day.


	36. Is It Worth It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blep

Will I ever be good enough?  
That's the question I always ask myself.  
I wonder if I will be able to make my mom proud,  
I wonder if I will be able to make my best friend smile,  
I wonder if I will be able to be a good role model for my daughter.  
I wonder if my life will be worth it in the end.  
I look at my scars, and realize it won't.  
I know I will relapse, it's become inevitable.  
Nobody can be proud of the slug that I am.  
Nobody can like the train wreck that is me.  
Nobody should look up to me,  
I am all that you should aspire not to be.  
I will never be enough, I will always be a waste.  
If that's all I'll ever be, then why do I even try?


End file.
